you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
