I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
