and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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