he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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