i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
