Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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