god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
