put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
