so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
