How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
