we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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