i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
my liver is dry heaving
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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