dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
