My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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