Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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