i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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