Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Randomize
