We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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