He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
