Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
