I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
