my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
