I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
