I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
