dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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