we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
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