Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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