I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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