I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
