does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
