I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
