And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
