So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
