I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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