So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
