Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
