Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize