Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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