what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
as a side note pls kill me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
