he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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