i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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