I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
