I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
