she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize