HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
