in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
