i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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