Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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