just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
