I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
