dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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