i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
