How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
