Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
