Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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