Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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