If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just invented taco cereal.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
