well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
