Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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