I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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