my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
