I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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