Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
