If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
