She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
