do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
