that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
