I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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