Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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