Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's blow job season.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
