there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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