Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
