He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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