I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my shit smells like andre
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
