Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
