1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
