I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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