I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
