Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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