My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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