How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize