I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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