His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
