am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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