dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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