You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm passing your future prison.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
