She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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