To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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