I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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