Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
